How to Grow an Ugly Garden

How to Grow an Ugly Garden

How to Grow an Ugly Garden

Pick the Right Location

The first step in growing an ugly garden is picking the right location. I like to choose a highly visible spot in my front yard where all my neighbors and passersby can get a good view of my handiwork. Full sun exposure is ideal to really accentuate the eyesore I’m creating.

Select Unattractive Plants

Next, I carefully curate a collection of unsightly plants. Some of my favorites include:

  • Crabgrass – This stubborn weed with long spindly stems and bare patches of dirt is the perfect foundation for an ugly garden. I allow it to run rampant.

  • Dandelions – Scraggly and wild, dandelions spread rapidly and have an unkempt appearance. Their bright yellow flowers clash with everything.

  • Poison ivy – The rash-inducing poison ivy adds an unpleasant touch. I let it vine around the perimeter.

  • Overgrown shrubs – Shrubs like privet and yew that have gotten leggy and overgrown make great ugly additions. I never prune or shape them.

  • Dead trees – For real visual interest, I incorporate dead and dying trees, stumps, and logs. Nothing says an ugly garden like decay!

Use Poor Design Concepts

A well-designed garden has unity, balance, color coordination, and thoughtful plant placement. I intentionally flout all these principles in my ugly garden design:

  • No unity – I use a random, haphazard collection of elements that clash and fight each other visually.

  • No balance – I create lopsided, asymmetrical beds with all the focus on one side.

  • Clashing colors – I combine jarring, discordant colors like orange, pink, and neon green.

  • Thoughtless planting – Tall plants go in front, low plants behind, annuals mixed with perennials. It’s a free-for-all!

Select Eye-Catching Garden Decor

The cherry on top of any ugly garden is the hardscape decor and accessories I incorporate:

  • Old car tires – I paint them bright colors and use them as planters. So tasteful!

  • Plastic flamingos – No ugly garden is complete without these pink lawn ornaments. I place them right up front.

  • Discarded furniture – Mismatched outdoor chairs, broken concrete birdbaths, and rusted metal shelves add a lovely ambience.

  • Scraps of carpeting – I cut carpet samples into random shapes and scatter them around as accent pieces.

Avoid Maintenance

The key to keeping an ugly garden ugly is to never maintain or care for it. I let weeds run rampant, deadhead nothing, and never prune or trim. I also avoid fertilizing, mulching, or improving the soil in any way. A perfect ugly garden thrives on neglect.

So there you have it – follow these steps and soon you’ll be the proud owner of the ugliest, most repellant garden on the block. Happy gardening! Let that inner rebel who ignores every garden design principle shine through.