How to Grow an Ugly Garden

How to Grow an Ugly Garden

How to Grow an Ugly Garden

Growing an ugly garden takes some skill and planning. Here are some tips for creating the most unattractive outdoor space possible:

Choose Unappealing Plants

When selecting plants for your ugly garden, look for ones with strange or unpleasant characteristics:

  • Prickly plants like cacti, rose bushes, or holly will make your garden uncomfortable to be around. Go for extra-spiky varieties.

  • Smelly plants like corpse flowers or skunk cabbage will assault the senses.

  • Pick plants that look like weeds – dandelions, crabgrass, and knotweed are great choices.

  • Overgrown and unkempt plants like mint or ivy that spread out of control will make your garden look messy.

  • Invasive plants that are hard to control like morning glories or bamboo will take over quickly.

  • Opt for plants with unusual colors like neon orange or purple-black vegetation to jar the eyes.

Use Poor Design Principles

A poorly planned layout and haphazard planting will ensure your garden looks terrible:

  • Plant in random, crowded arrangements without thought to spacing, height, or color coordination. Cram plants together at odd angles.

  • Choose an excessive number of plant varieties and mix them without any sense of order or theme. Throw together flowers, trees, shrubs, and vines higgledy-piggledy.

  • Use clashing colors like orange and pink or purple and lime green. Go for visual chaos.

  • Plant tall plants that will eventually block sunlight from reaching shorter plants. Pruning won’t help!

  • Neglect soil preparation and don’t amend the soil at all. Let plants struggle in poor conditions.

  • Overplant so there is no room for plants to thrive. Cram in more than the space can reasonably accommodate.

Forego Maintenance

Proper garden maintenance is the enemy of an ugly garden. Embrace a hands-off approach:

  • Never weed. Let those dandelions and crabgrass run rampant. Bonus points for leaving cut weeds lying around.

  • Allow plants to become wildly overgrown. Don’t prune back excessive growth.

  • Forget to water during dry periods. Wilting, dried out plants are unsightly.

  • Don’t fertilize or compost. Deprived plants will stay stunted and sickly looking.

  • Leave dead plants and debris like fallen leaves and broken branches right where they lie to rot.

  • Don’t deal with pests or diseases. Let insects and fungi damage plants unchecked for maximum ugly effects.

Add Eyesores

Decorate your ugly garden with unsightly accessories:

  • Old broken furniture like rusty chairs or dilapidated wagons will add to the chaos.

  • Trash like bags of leaves or a pile of empty pots gives an unattractive vibe.

  • Add ugly garden ornaments like plastic flamingos or rusty metal sculptures. Pick things that clash with your plants.

  • Use cheap plastic decorations like pinwheels, solar lights, or pink garden gnomes. Scatter these randomly.

  • Make a compost pile front and center. Heap it with smelly food scraps in plain sight.

Let your creativity run wild and don’t be afraid to think outside the box. With the right attitude and “techniques”, you can cultivate the most wonderfully appalling garden on the block! Just sit back and watch your plants, layout, and decor combine into an eyesore of epic proportions.